Into the Madness…Publishing

This publishing business is a whirl of maddening “do this” and “don’t do that” nonsense.  And part of me wants to print out a list of the “to do’s” and check them off one by one.  Everyday.  Twice a day, if I have to.

But part of me is…wanting to get on with it.  Back to writing.  Back to doing the work with the words.

I WISH that my story becomes a hit!  I wish that someone reads it and says, “Huh, that story about the stripper and the old guy wasn’t what I was expecting at all!  And it was still really entertaining!  I’m going to recommend this to my friends!”  And they do!  Hooray!  Readers!


So, now that the wishing is done and sent into this electronic ether along with my story, I am content to let them go.  Baby birds from the nest!  Baby turtles to the sea!

Oh, who am I kidding?  I will, without a doubt, check in on my story at least daily and send up wishes like confetti while I am taking a “stretch break” from writing the next thing.  I can *say* I don’t care about my Amazon sales rank, but that would be a pitiful lie.  Pitiful indeed.

So, I cannot promise that I will stop trying to plug my story when the irresistible urge arises, but I’m going to try.  Scout’s honor.



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Church of the Palomino

So, I wrote this short story.  Church of the Palomino.

church of the palomino cover

Here’s the brief description: 

A widower finds solace at The Palomino. Or thinks he does. The object of his worship is an exotic dancer. Circumstances draw them together one fateful night, but things don’t turn out as expected.

It is complete with three endings and an homage to Flannery O’Connor.

You can, as of today, buy it from Amazon for a measly $1.29!  What a great deal, right?! 

You can’t blame me for a little self-promo…I hope you read it and enjoy it.  More stories are in the works…perhaps a continuation of this story?  Stranger things have happened…

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What Lola Wants…

Maybe this is particular to a certain subset of the population, but I know more than one person who has another name for who they become when they are…er…drunk.

One friend becomes “Dwayne,” a bullish, brute of a redneck.  Another turns into “Kitty,” who purrs and swishes an imaginary tail.  And me?  Well, I’m Lola.

And it’s definitely a farce for me.  I don’t get so drunk that I don’t KNOW that I’m pretending to be Lola.  Lola who has red hair (even though mine is really blonde) and speaks in a terribly hit-or-miss (and shame on me, stereotypical) Puerto Rican accent.  Who dips her fingers into other people’s drinks (usually just my significant other’s), and dances way more provacatively than I ever would.  Who sometimes bums a cigarette from a perfect stranger and takes a few puffs, but mostly lets it burn down,  so she can flick ashes like punctuation marks in her conversations.  Ha ha, right?  Ahem.

But Dwayne, he borders on being my friend’s alter ego.  Like a “Jeckyll and Hyde” alter ego.  Like “The United States of Tara” alter ego.  Dwayne likes to fight.  My friend does not.  Dwayne likes to smash things.  My friend has zero idea how his knuckles got busted up.  Dwayne doesn’t talk much.  My friend makes a living by talking.  Okay, so my friend might have a drinking problem, but it is still interesting how much a person can change “under the influence.”

This scenario can lead to a variety of exercises…here are the ones that come to my mind:

  1. Who is your alter ego? (If you don’t have one, make one up now!)  Who are they and what do they do that is different than you?  What does this “person” do that you would never do?  Create a new character based upon this “alter.”
  2. Does one of your characters behave differently when they are “under the influence?”  Do they transform into a monster or a pussycat?  Do they like to drink?  Do they never drink?  Why or why not?  Or, conversely, are they even more themselves when imbibing.
  3. Create a situation where a character encounters a Dwayne or Kitty.  Are they amused, frightened, disgusted, indifferent?  Do they set up Dwayne to get into a fight?  Do they play along with Kitty and her imaginary tail?  Are they completely bewildered, demanding that the “real” person answer them?  Does the “real” person oblige, or continue to hide behind Dwayne’s fist or Kitty’s purr?

Have fun with this one.  Use one or more of these exercises to explore a new character or create conflict in a scene.  Deepen a relationship between two characters, or create a giant rift.

Lola is off to paint her nails, now (I have a date for Valentine’s Day).  Good luck!

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Food for Thought

If you have read “Like Water for Chocolate,” by Laura Esquivel, or “Julie and Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously,” by Julie Powell, or “The Things They Carried,” by Tim O’Brien, or…I could just keep going…you know how important food can be to a story.  We have it around us every day, we all have our partiuclar favorite dish, idiosyncratic flavor combinations, and favorite (or least favorite) family recipes.  If your house is anything like my house, the food I make is what makes it smell like “my” house.

Since taste and smell are two of the five senses, including a food description in a scene can help bring it alive and place your reader into your story.  This is a good way to “show, don’t tell” that will make most scenes more relatable.  You can also set mood and tone with cooking smells and flavors.  You can explain a whole culture by its food.  And you can use it in negative or positive ways.  Too much, too little, too rich, too salty, or…just perfect.

For an exercise, put food in a scene.  It can be prominent or mere background.  It can be the focus of a character’s emotion, or a way that two characters relate to one another.  It can be life or death.

  • If you have trouble finding your way into this one, try thinking about a favorite food from your childhood and how that food made the moment perfect–how do you react now when you have, or even just smell, that same food today?
  • Or, think about your favorite food now.  Do you go the distance to make it perfect for yourself?  Or do you make a special trip to that restaurant to get it once a week?  What would happen if you introduce this deliciousness to someone else?  Would they think you are crazy for liking it?  Would they share your enthusiasm and demand the recipe?  Would you share it?
  • Or, think about a trip you took and how the food made it an even exceptional experience, or how the food ruined everything for you.  What did it smell like?  Where where you?  Why was it so amazingly good or bad?  What did you find yourself “homesick” for?

Bon appetit!

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Gone Missing

Your character has been kidnapped!

What is his/her first reaction?  Is it a scary situation or just confusing?  Maybe it was a pleasant aside that turned sinister, or maybe your character knows the kidnapper and doesn’t even realize what is happening?

Try to create a beginning, middle, and end to the situation…if it ends.  Does the character lose his/her identity or sense of what is real?  Does s/he dream about her “real” life?  Does your character try to escape?  How? 

Or…switch it…

Your character has kidnapped someone!  Who? Why?  What happens?

Even if you don’t use this writing exercise in a story, thinking about your character’s reactions and choices can really help shape them into a more “real” entity with a better-defined personality.  And, if you can really take yourself into such a scenario, you might just have a new story on your hands! Good luck!

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Writing on the Wall

Once, when I was traveling through Arkansas, I stopped at a rest stop for a bathroom break.  Graffiti in such a place can always be entertaining in some fashion, although sometimes it is just childish and/or repulsive.  I happened to find a note, however, written with what looked to be a yellow highlighter on a mustard yellow door.  It went something like this:

“PLEASE HELP! My name is Brandee Johnson and I am 9.  My mom’s boyfriend has kidnapped me.  I can’t get away, but I want to go home.  My mom is Carla Johnson and live in St. Louis.” 

It was written in a child’s big scrawl and very hard to read.  I was terrified for her.  There were no bathroom attendants or anyone else to ask about the date of this message appearing.  I didn’t know what else to do, so I called the state police and told them about the message.  I also called 1-800-THE-LOST in case the missing girl had been reported as lost.  I also wondered if it was just a childish prank and I was a fool to think it was real.  Or perhaps it had been there for months and Brandee was long gone. 

Fifteen years later, I still sometimes think about what might have happened to her, and if it was a real cry for help, or a prank. 

Write a scene that includes graffiti and what it might or might not be trying to say.

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Go Through Any Door

On “making it” into the world of comedy.

Sage advice from a comedienne who started her career writing bits for a puppet (Topo Gigio on the Ed Sullivan Show).  You cannot afford to wait around for the perfect situation.  Get your foot in the door and then your elbow and then, like the hokey pokey, your whole self.  I’ve been waiting for a very long time for the stars to align, my writing room to be completed, my favorite pencils to be on sale…yadda, yadda, yadda.

Once you have decided that you aren’t going to wait around anymore, be vigiliant for those cracked doors just waiting for you to insert yourself.  You are the only one who puts limitations on you.  And, likewise,  you are the only one who can strip them away.

Get to stripping, do the hokey pokey, and get in the door!

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Show Me Your Muscles!

I think imagination is like a muscle we all have…one we are born with and utilize as children all the time, but some of us neglect to use that muscle, and therefore it withers away, leaving our minds dependent upon other people’s imagination to “show us something good.” Some of us are addicted to working out that muscle, like gym rats trying to perfect our quads. And some of us seemingly have no other muscles than that of the “imagination” type.

I think a lot of people under-estimate the breadth and depth of their own imaginative powers, but if you have ANY kind of creative outlet, such as cooking , quilting, or woodworking, or if your job is to build something…from houses to websites…you are relying on that power.   You can see something in your mind, you can be inspired by raw materials, and turn those things into something amazing. The more you use this creative power, the more ideas you will have.

And that is where this “power of imagination” can become a problem, though, for some writers.

1. You may see something ever so vividly in your mind, but you have a problem translating those images onto paper in such a way as to do them justice or before they float away into just a distant dream you vaguely remember.
2. You may feel the need to block out each character’s every step, identify each piece of clothing they are wearing, what they had for breakfast lunch and dinner each day of the week and otherwise get bogged down in the details.
3. You may have too many different ideas that:
a. keep you from focusing on the project at hand and you wind up with 17 half-written stories, or
b. tempt you to shove them all into a single project, taking your story down endlessly branching (and implausible) rabbitholes that you may never be able to conclude (or tie together believably).

I will admit to commiting all of the above offenses from time to time, but my primary problem is #3.  There is just too much stuff flying around in my head, and not nearly enough hours in the day to capture them all.

So, the question at hand is how to make this strength work for us?  I want to flex this muscle, not have my muscle flex me.

My solution…and this might not work for everyone, but it is the only one that even comes close to capturing all those ideas in my head…is to keep a giant running list in a spreadsheet.  I KNOW!  The epitome of nerdiness!

But this is what I do:  I have a master spreadsheet for all of these ideas.  I have named it “Work You Must Do Someday.”  When I think of a new story, I create a tab in the spreadsheet just for that story, and I start listing as many details as I can for a character or setting or plot or whatever.  Sometimes I just think of writing prompts, so I have a tab just for those.  Sometimes, when I have a big idea, I start using all of those neat little cells to block out chapters or I start color-coding to depict the progression of a plot.  Sometimes I do some real “writing” if there is some “perfect opening line” that just occured to me.  I think I have a tab called “Amazing Titles” where I squirrel away just titles that have occurred to me.

By doing this, I feel like I get to exercise that imaginative muscle in something of a controlled way.  I get the swirl out of my head and I don’t lose my thoughts.  Also, I don’t get so involved that I can’t keep working on whatever my “current project” might be, and I can always come back later and add things…as much or as little as I want.  And when I am ready to come back to it, for some stories, I already have a rough outline and the backbones of some characters developed.

I don’t know why I didn’t think of this earlier!

Of course, I am not always near a computer when inspiration strikes, so I still have notebooks and scraps of paper stuck in my purse, but when I clean out my purse, I put those scribbly, scrappy ideas in the spreadsheet.  If I write a significant portion of some story in a notebook, I make a note in the spreadsheet which notebook I was writing in (I have probably six or seven different notebooks I write in, depending on where I am and what is in my purse at the moment).  This can save a lot of time when I am ready to write some more…less searching around in every notebook.

It’s basic organization, right?  It’s not that hard.  And maybe this won’t work for you…maybe you could use a notebook instead of a spreadsheet.  If I had every wall of my house as a chalkboard, I’d probably have a wall for each story.  Now that I am thinking about it, it seems like I might have done this in my college days with index cards and a coupon organizer.  You know…whatever works.

Just make sure you can find your notes again!  Try to email any documents/spreadsheets to yourself so you always have it a backup…or save it in multiple places…just in case something crashes or gets lost.  If you do a lot of writing by hand…do your best to get it captured “electronically” so you won’t fall prey to lost work if someone in your household helpfully throws it away, thinking it was trash, or heaven forbid, some weather event sweeps it away from it’s nice, dry bookshelf/desk drawer/backpack.

Of course, people say, when you lose something, you can just create it again since you’ve done it once before.  These people are obviously not writers, and very well might be idiots.  But, let’s not hold that against them.  Your imagination can conjure new ideas and thoughts and words, but very rarely in the same way you had done last week/month/year.  As someone who has lost three chapters of a book due to laptop death, a final paper for a graduate class due to power failure and mysteriously faulty aut0-save, most of my poetry and various other writings when I absent-mindedly left a pin drive at a Kinkos, and two hand-written chapters of a different book when someone stole my purse…you have to not only use your muscles to get the ideas out of your head, you also have to use them to keep them safe and within your grasp.

I mourn for everyone who was affected by Hurricane Sandy, and surely there are more important things in life than writing, but I hope that most of you writers were able to save your work, that it will be there when the power comes back on, and that if you have lost some things, that your imagination muscles can be pumped up to create something even better than before.  God bless, and…

Go exercise!

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Everything Great

From one of my favorite authors, the creator of Pippi Longstocking, Astrid Lindgren

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Desire Defines Us

Advice from a master

It keeps me up at night…trying to figure out what a character wants.  They are born and living only in my brain until I relinquish them to the world at large.  I think this snippet of advice from Mr. Vonnegut is true.  And as simple as it sounds, actual human beings are pretty complex and often times have no idea what they really want.  Our friends may be better at knowing what we want than we do ourselves.  I say I want a different job, but what do I *really* want?  More money? More security? To be my own boss?  To not have anyone to tell me what to do? Freedom?

Consider what your character(s) want/s.  If it isn’t clear to you, workshop that character until they have it:  desire.  For something…anything.  If they do already “want” something and it is something simple (like a glass of water), why is this simple thing so important?  Does your character get what they want or not?  Do they even understand this about themselves, or are they, like most of us, oblivious to this driving force?  If they DO get it, is it everything they hoped it would be?

After pondering these questions…write for 15 minutes and see where you, and your character, end up.  Good luck!

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