In the wee hours of the morning, I find myself dreading the workday. Most days, I wish I could just stay in bed and sleep. I hit the snooze button too many times for my own good.
But this morning I wished for something else.
I wished for a life that makes me want to leap out of bed and chase after it. Like a mad woman. Like a dangerous girl.
And although I haven’t been able to embody a whole lot of the things I have learned in this life, I do know this: If you want it, you have to go after it. No fairy godmother is going to come around with pixie dust that will let me grow money on a tree in the backyard or grant me an infinity of wishes.
I can hedge my bets and pursue a new job, or find a way to telework, or move to a new house, or start taking a new class, or any number of things that change my current situation. But I know that each one of those things will result in the same state of mind in less time than I’d like to admit to myself. I can use these skills–this ability to write–in a multitude of ways that will afford me a reliable paycheck. Reliable paychecks are good…they are the stuff of “making a living” and paying the bills and putting food on the table. Part of me is ashamed to find fault with my fairly blessed life.
But another part of me is not ashamed. I am not ashamed to dream. I am not ashamed to want more, to want better, to want passion, to want success doing something I love. I will hold on to this wish–this dream for a more authentic life–and I will hold on to this job in the meantime, but I promise myself to keep going after the dream.
It’s too easy to give up, anyway. This life means too much to just sit back and let it slide by.
Don’t let your life slide by, people. It’s too short and comes with no guarantees, but it does come with hope. Gather up your wherewithal and go after what you really want.
2 responses to “I DO want what I haven’t got”
Never be ashamed! You deserve anything you put your mind to! Go after what you desire with passion! 🙂
I feel your frustration, Amy. Except even more than wanting to leap out of bed in the morning to tackle the day, I want to feel like I am living up to my potential and making a difference in the world like I know I can but am too lazy to follow through in doing. It’s rather depressing, to be honest. I hope you find what you’re looking for and that it fills your soul with all the joy of your dreams. There is nothing to be ashamed of in wanting more. You can be thankful and desirous all at once. And you deserve to make your dreams come true. Don’t forget that. It isn’t selfish. When your dreams come true and you’re exhilarated each day, that’s when you meet the way you’re going to change the world.